WHAT DOES WHERE TO MEET BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN DO?

What Does Where To Meet Beautiful Black Woman Do?

What Does Where To Meet Beautiful Black Woman Do?

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For too lengthy, African-American ladies and their sexual needs have been ignored. Over the decades, media-glorified studies have claimed to interrupt new floor in regard to sexuality, however they seldom addressed the needs and issues of African-American women. Actually, research that addressed Black girls usually targeted on transmission of illness.




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Ebony magazine readers wanted to know more. What turns us on, what turns us off? The place can we go when now we have problems or questions? What are our main issues and considerations?




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In response to the thousands of reader queries the magazine continued to get, Ebony undertook a major study to answer some of these questions. The survey results have been printed in October 2004. The magazine wanted to listen to about the issues that affect the standard of black ladies's lives and relationships. Ebony has commissioned Hope Ashby, Ph.D., a psychotherapist based mostly in New York City, to help design a groundbreaking new intercourse survey that delved into the hearts and intercourse lives of Black women. And there are options that may lead to a healthier, more fulfilling intercourse life. In the long run, they hoped to shed some light on personal concerns and let black girls know that they are not alone; different ladies have the same problems that you simply do.




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Right here, Dr. Ashby, provides some insight into Black women and sexuality.




Query: What are the sexuality issues affecting Black women?




Dr. Ashby: A significant sexuality drawback dealing with Black women at present is HIV/AIDS. There's loads of misinformation or just nonexistent details about anorgasmia, low libido, painful intercourse and even simple issues such as the effect of hormones on sexual functioning. Another is the lack of knowledge accessible in our communities.




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Question: Are there sexuality points that affect Black women extra so than other women?




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Dr. Ashby: A continual complaint about their partners not eager to put on condoms. Black women additionally convey up the inability to have an orgasm and low or lost libido as White women do.




Question: Are there aspects of sexuality that Black ladies seem to enjoy a bonus?




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Dr. Ashby: I think that the one benefit that Black ladies have is excessive physique esteem. We are typically more snug in our bodies, especially Black ladies who are plus-size. Having a excessive body esteem helps to reinforce one's sexual feelings about herself.




Query: When a Black girl has a problem with intercourse, where does she go for help and advice?




Dr. Ashby: Black girls tend to go to their mates; it is uncommon that they go to their docs with sex points as a result of they're unaware that there's help on the market for all these problems. Some medical docs are beginning to take heed to their patients' sexuality complaints and study the world of sexual drugs. There are professionals, like myself, who specialize in sexually associated issues and will help.




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Question: For many who usually are not comfy speaking to their partners, what recommendation do you might have?




Dr. Ashby: At first, do not choose to start out having these conversations when you are about to have intercourse. Are there fantasies he want to explore? It can be crucial to start these conversations in a neutral, non-threatening place, particularly if you haven't been having orgasms and you've got been faking. Start by asking your accomplice what he thinks about your sex life. That's the improper time.




Query: How do history and tradition affect our sexuality?




Dr. Ashby: All through White historical past, Black girls have been portrayed in two paradigms--that of Jezebel and that of "mammy." Jezebel being the slut, promiscuous lady and "mammy" being completely asexual however always passive and caretaking. This traumatic historical past is still an unconscious remnant within the lives of Black women. Another side of Black historical past that is tied to these paradigms is that as slaves Black women have been frequently raped and sodomized by their masters, and also offered off from their households. This message can be pervasive in American culture. Little ladies are taught that sex is to be saved for marriage with out ever listening to any mention of enjoyment. As a result of Black women have generally been looked at by way of these two lenses, it has been difficult for us to search out middle ground. It will get conveyed in a subtle method that pleasure is reserved on your associate and that you are the conveyer of that pleasure. How are you able to be a comfortable sexual being once you might be perceived as a slut? Thus Black girls are sometimes caught between being a "good girl" (nonsexual), or a "unhealthy girl" (sexual).




Question: Why do some Black ladies feel unhealthy or "dirty" about initiating sex with their mate?




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Dr. Ashby: It is a matter of feeling they aren't entitled to pleasure and not recognizing themselves as sexual beings with needs of their very own. This also goes back to how gifts are socialized in American society. Boys, then again, are socialized to think that they will have intercourse with anyone at any time and that it is their right to take action. Some women are socialized to think that intercourse is dirty and that only dangerous things can come of it when you engage in sex.




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Query: Based in your analysis, how do Black women really feel about oral intercourse and anal intercourse?




Dr. Ashby: Black ladies are more comfy right this moment than they were a number of years ago in giving and receiving oral sex. Anal intercourse is still comparatively taboo for Black girls. I usually hear about male companions having issues giving oral sex.




Question: What can mothers do to make sure their daughters are knowledgeable about sex?




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Dr. Ashby: It is imperative that mothers sit down with their daughters and discuss sex and sexuality. Adolescence is a time for experimentation; adolescents query their intercourse appeal, whether they're gay, straight, or bisexual, whether or not oral sex is "intercourse," and how one can go about it. Regardless that the information is obtainable, youngsters nonetheless need and seek steering from the ones they belief most--their mother and father. Being open and honest along with your teen is vital to impacting their behavior.




Query: Are Black women as we speak more snug in accepting their lesbianism?




Dr. Ashby: From many conversations with my patients, it seems that Black women are rather more snug than they have been a number of years ago about accepting their lesbianism, nevertheless it continues to be a wrestle. My patients state that the African-American group nonetheless has issue accepting and dealing with the gay and lesbian subpopulation. This comes with a bunch of challenges that White lesbians do not must face. Black lesbians are confronted with a triple handicap--being Black, female and a lesbian.




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Query: Many ladies are concerned about whether sexual need decreases throughout menopause. Does it?




Dr. Ashby: The great thing about being human is that we're all totally different and a few are lucky not to have a lower in sexual actions. I have seen some women who are barely affected by the modifications brought on by menopause and others whose lives are completely devastated by the hormonal imbalance.




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Query: Why is HIV affecting Black ladies disproportionately?




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Dr. Ashby: As a result of many are participating in sexual exercise without condoms. If your man will not put on a condom, there are methods you may protect your self. Thirdly, abstinence is at all times an possibility until you find that someone who will respect you and your physique. First, there's a female condom obtainable; secondly, there are nonoxynol-9 spermicides that can be inserted into the vagina prior to intercourse. Many women I see as patients say that their man won't put on a condom as a result of it "feels" higher; or if she insists that he wears one, he accuses her of cheating. The ultimate form of caring and respect is when somebody locations your emotions and needs above their own.




Question: How do Black girls method masturbation and intercourse toys? Are there feelings of guilt?




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Dr. Ashby: Masturbation remains to be considerably taboo for Black ladies as it is seen as "dirty." My patients have mentioned they are embarrassed to hunt down intercourse toys and really feel that shopping for them would make them appear "loose." Sex therapists have had their patients use sex toys either with a associate or alone as a means to determine what turns them on and what turns them off.




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Question: If there may be one message about sexuality that you just want to ship to African-American ladies across the country, what would that be?




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Dr. Ashby: I feel the message I would like to ship to both African-American and African Sisters is that you're much more than disease carriers and child-makers. You might be sexual beings with wants and wishes, and you might be entitled to wholesome, fulfilling sexual lives, and that there is help for your sexual problems. Everyone is entitled to a fulfilling sex life.




We do it but we don't prefer to discuss it. Intercourse, that's.




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African-American women may be stereotyped as Lil' Kims in music videos, but for the most part, black women may be extraordinarily prudish on the subject of discussing intercourse.




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That is why the outcomes of a landmark sex survey of black girls showing within the October 2004 challenge of Ebony journal positive raised a couple of eyebrows.




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For starters, in response to the survey of 8,000 ladies nationwide and abroad, brothers apparently aren't taking good care of their enterprise. When requested "How satisfied are you together with your intercourse life?" 26.Eight % of respondents mentioned they had been "somewhat glad," 13.6 % mentioned they have been "somewhat dissatisfied," and only 15.7 percent of the women said they were completely happy.




Even more telling, while "dishonest" is often seen as a primarily male habits, the Ebony intercourse survey discovered that 44.2 % of the girls mentioned they had cheated on their companions, whereas 41.4 % said they had not strayed.




The 56-question survey asked about the sort of intercourse that most black ladies will not even focus on with their finest buddies, like what is your preferred position for intercourse and method of penetration. That black ladies are likely to shrink back from brazenly discussing their sexuality is comprehensible.




Black girls were objectified and sexually abused during slavery and the Jim Crow era. In actual life, black teenage girls are being sexually assaulted by older males, together with male kin, at an alarming charge. At this time, young black women are demeaned as sexual objects in rap lyrics and videos.




Ebony's survey discovered that 41.9 p.c of black women agreed with the assertion: "The stereotypical media portrayal of black girls (as loose, unrestrained, bossy) has had a damaging impact on our sexual improvement." And about 37 percent of respondents said they had a history of sexual abuse.




But the "prepared-at-the-drop-of-a-hat" black girl is basically a delusion.




Based on the Ebony survey, although 59.7 p.c of black ladies stated "masturbation is wholesome and normal," 25.3 percent of these ladies mentioned they never masturbate. When asked: "How often do you experience orgasm?" 22 percent mentioned "very often," 25.2 percent said "usually," 26.Four % said "sometimes," and 18.4 p.c mentioned "from time to time."




"This was an issue that we needed to handle," stated Lynn Norment, Ebony's managing editor. "I've accomplished dozens of relationship stories through the years and i noticed the necessity. There's been intercourse surveys about girls basically, however black ladies had been nearly a footnote in these surveys. I assumed it was time for us to deal with black ladies and the problems that we face in our lives."




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The survey was carried out online. Clearly, a web-based survey gave respondents plenty of privacy. However some respondents mailed their responses to Ebony. Nonetheless, there are indications that respondents had been uncomfortable answering some questions.




As an example, consider the topic of oral intercourse.




Solely 2.7 p.c of ladies surveyed admitted giving oral intercourse, whereas 11.6 p.c mentioned they were recipients of oral intercourse, and a whopping 82.1 % claimed both parties engaged in oral intercourse. However when requested: "How usually do you expertise oral sex?", 16.9 percent stated very often; 29 percent stated "usually;" 21.9 p.c mentioned seldom; and 24.4 p.c of the respondents mentioned "sometimes."




I can not show this, but 2.7 p.c appears an terrible small number for givers. What that tiny quantity says to me is oral sex is still so taboo within the black group, most black women nonetheless will not admit to giving oral sex without getting it too.




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Many of the respondents stay in the South (37.9 p.c), are faculty graduates (52.7 percent) and have by no means been married (50.2 %).




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"I am a minister's daughter," said Hope Ashby, the brand new York Metropolis- based intercourse therapist who helped Ebony formulate the sex survey. "My mother is a Southern belle, and we did not talk about these items. That's the reason this is kind of wonderful. Black ladies deal with the same points as white girls. We are not having as a lot intercourse as we would need, and when we are having intercourse, we are not being sexually happy," she mentioned.




Given the "down low" phenomenon -- that is, black males who have sex with girls but don't determine themselves as gay or disclose to their female companions that they also have intercourse with men -- I was stunned Ebony didn't ask outright about condom use.




Forty-eight p.c of respondents mentioned they were very involved about "brothers on the down low," 16.5 % stated they had been "considerably involved," and 27.Three p.c mentioned they were not involved.




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"What we didn't need to do was alienate folks from answering the questions," Ashby said. "Being in your face about it makes folks go the other means and not wish to discuss it."




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Hopefully, Ebony's sex survey will soar-start the true dialog.




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1. How satisfied are you together with your sex life?




Completely satisfied 15.77%




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Largely happy 25.42




Considerably glad 26.Eighty five




Somewhat dissatisfied 13.Sixty two




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Largely dissatisfied 9.09




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Fully dissatisfied 9.25




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2. How typically do you interact in sexual intercourse?




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Every day 6.36




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Once per week or more 41.64




Once a month 11.Sixty nine




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Two or thrice a month 23.31




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Once or twice a 12 months 9.05




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Not at all 7.95




3. How usually would you like to have intercourse?




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Every day 32.01




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Once every week or extra 58.04




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Once a month 1.79




Two or thrice a month 6.22




Once or twice a 12 months 0.Forty four




Less than as soon as a yr 0.18




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Not at all 1.32




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4. How often do you expertise orgasm?




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Fairly often 22.07




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Typically 25.23




Typically 26.43




Infrequently 18.Forty one




Never 7.86




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5. Have you ever ever cheated on your accomplice?




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Yes 44.23




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No 41.47




Thought-about it, however did not 14.29




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The survey included 8,000 black ladies, most of whom answered questions online. Some mailed responses to Ebony. The survey was carried out between March eight and April 30, 2004.




APA Reference
Workers, H. (2021, December 17). Are You Satisfied? Ebony Asks Black Women, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, March 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/sex/ladies/are-you-happy-ebony-asks-black-women




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